How Do i Do a Will Stronger? What is Confidence? How to get a will made out of Iron? How can i Get Self Confidence ? Answers are here... Keep Reading !

You want your will to be stronger? You wonder how do i do a will stronger? What is confidence? How to get self confidence with girls / boys? Well keep reading...

In most of the people feelings and thoughts about them self fluctuating dependable on daily activities and events that they passing trough. Grade that someone gets on exam, the way that your husband and boyfriend (wife/girlfriend) treats you, rises and falls - all of that have temporary influence on our mood and our thinking.

But, self confidence is something more stable that normal change of mood, it can be changed also, but a lot slower. People that has normal dose of self confidence, rises and falls temporary affect in their self esteem and personal picture about them self, but just to some limits. On the other hand, to people with low self esteem, those ordinary successes and failures do big difference.

People with low self esteem, People with low self confidence mostly rely on what they do at a particular moment so they determine what they feel about them self. They need positive experience from their surrounding so they neutralize negative thoughts and feelings in them self, that constantly torture them. Even then (good grade, success in other fields) the positive feelings are just temporary.

People with high level of self picture about them self is based on knowing them self and their qualities. They constantly and unconditional accept them self. That means that they are capable of real accepting their cons and pros, aware of their power, but limits too, and in same time they accept them self as valuable persons, unconditional and regardless of some failures from time to time.

Our self confidence develops through our whole life, the picture about ourselves we build trough our experiences with other people and activities that we are involved into. When we are grown up our successes and failures, the way we are treated from our family, people around us, teachers, trainers, authorities, colleges, friends is also affecting how our self confidence will be.

But bases of self confidence are made, mostly, in our childhood.

Experiences from childhood that leads to high self confidence and self esteem are:

  - rewards

  - if you listen to your kid

  - if you talk with your kid with respect

  - if you give your kid enough love and attention

  - good experiences in school or in sport activities

  - reliable friendships

Experiences from childhood that leads to low self confidence and self esteem are:

  - constant critics

  - if the child is always yelled at or being molested (beaten)

  - if the child being ignored, neglect or even spoiled

  - failures or bad grades at school or sport activities

People with low self confidence, if they fail in something (lost game, got bad grade, etc), they received negative comments that they are incapable, their person and acts were not distinguished, instead they were being equalized. Our experiences from the past, even those that we are not able to remember, are active and live within us, and we are listening to them as our inner voice. Even most of the people are not listening to their inner voice in the way that they listen communication with other person, our inner voice constantly repeating some message to us.

To people with healthy self confidence, messages from inner voice are positive and cheering. To people with low self confidence inner voice messages are always critics, punishes, insults and lowering achievements.

Most of us can assume how low self confidence person looks like, but its not always easy to recognize. I am gonna name you three most ordinary examples of persons, that have low self confidence.

Cheater - he looks like happy and successful, but she/he is actually terribly afraid of failure. Lives in constant fear that he/shes gonna be "exposed". He/She needs to constantly prove himself / herself so he/she keeps positive self confidence, which, of course, leads to problems like perfectionism, constant delaying, competition mood, and in the end it can lead to complete exhaustion or break.

Rebel - Always fights for the interest and good for others, especially for those things that rich and powerful people don't care. Lives in constant anger and have feeling that hes/shes not worth enough. She/He constantly need to prove how other people comments can't reach to him/her, and that leads to excessive transfer of guilt to other people, which again leads to opposition to the law, demonstrative statements, etc.

Loser - Behaves helpless and as hes/shes incapable of carrying himself trough the life and everyday challenges, and waits for someone to "save" him. Using his/her self pity as shield against taking responsibility for changing his/her life. He/She always needs others protection and leading, which leads to minor capability of making decision, underestimating his own success, and obsessive reliance to his/her partner.

 Low self confidence has pretty bad unwanted consequences:

  - creating anxiety, stress, feeling of being lonely, increasing chances for developing a depression.

  - Making problems with relations with other people and relationships.

  - It can seriously threat to their education and work.

  - It can lead to underestimating their capability and not achieving their opportunities.

  - Increasing emotional vulnerability and drug and alcohol addiction.

And the worse above all of those, low self confidence, constantly leads to increasing negative picture about yourself, and the person is falling lower and lower or even starting to behave self destructive.

You keep wondering yourself: How to get will made out of Iron? How can i get self confidence? How do i get confidence generally? Well here are the answers...

How do i do a will and confidence getting stronger in 3 steppes:

Before you start working on increasing your self confidence you must believe how you can change. The changes are not immediate and easy, but they happen if you want to make "better me". Once you accept or in small hand, show some will at changing your current state, these 3 steps can help you.

  1 - Prove The Inner Critic that hes wrong !

  2 - Practice self-nurture

  3 - Ask for help

1 - Prove your Inner Critic that hes wrong

First and most important step to increase your self confidence is to face your negative thoughts and critical messages from your inner voice. I will point you couple typical examples how to silence your inner critic:

Example 1. - Injustice hardness (austerity) to yourself change with praises.

Quote : "People liked my presentation, but it wasn't even close to what i was imagining it would be. I can't believe how no one noticed all my mistakes and how much is screwed it up. I am so ineffective and incapable !"

Change it with: "They really liked my presentation. Maybe it wasn't that perfect, but i was really challenged and i think i did a very good job. I am proud of myself. This was real success!"

Example 2. - Generalizing change with specific criticism.

Quote : "I failed at exam. I can't understand anything that professor is talking. I am so dumb. Who am i fooling, i should not study this at first place. I am such a idiot for a school and worse than any of my colleges"

Change with :  "I was bad at this exam, but now i saw where my mistakes were. There are some things that i don't understand best but i should invest some additional effort and time so i be able to reach my colleges."

Example 3. - Negative Logic change with Positive Logic. 

Quote :  "I see that hes not satisfied. He didn't said anything but i know by myself that it means that he don't like me."

Change with : "I see that hes not satisfied, but i don't know why. Maybe there is no connection between that and me. Let me ask."

Example 4. - Catastrophic predictions change with objectivity.

Quote : "When i asked her for a date, she refused me. I am so embarrassed and i feel humiliated. No one likes me. I will never find a girl. I will end up lonely and old."

Change with : "Ooo. Its not easy. It hurts. She don't like to go out with me, but that doesn't mean that someone else won't like either. I know that i am attractive and dear person. I will find someone else for me for sure !"

2 - Practice self-nurture.

Silencing your inner critic is very important step, but that is not enough. Other base of our low self confidence is on how people treated us in the past, so next step in raising our self confidence will be treating ourselves as valuable persons.

Face with your negative experiences and messages and start nurture yourself and care about yourself on way that you gonna show yourselves how valuable, competent you are and how you deserve the best and that you are worth being loved.

  - Basic care about yourself

Sleep enough, eat regular, make a workout training schedule, care about your hygiene, etc

  - Plan fun and relaxing things

You can walk to a cinema, lie down, go to massage, go to ZOO, get some pet, learn how to meditate...

  - Reward yourself for your successes

Take a day off after successful finished task, spend enough time with your family, friends, congratulate yourself for your finished tough phone call, or something like that...

  - Remind yourself of your successes and qualities often

One of the way is to make list of the things you like about yourself. Other way is to keep certificates, praises, positive letters and congratulation cards. Keep those things that you are proud of in places where you can see them.

  - Forgive yourself if you don't fulfill your expectations

Self-nurture can be surprisingly hard if you are not used to. You MUST NOT be critic to yourself. Remind yourself at the first step of my guide.

  - Reward yourself even when you think you are not deserving it

Fake until you succeed. If you treat yourself as you succeeded, slowly you gonna achieve that in what you believe.

3 - Ask for Help

Help other people is very important step in increasing self confidence, but its hardest one mostly. People with low self confidence very rarely is looking for support or help because they think they don't deserve it. But, in this case, low self confidence is reflection on that how people were treating you in the past, you need positive support so you overcome negative experiences from the past.

Let me give you couple examples on what help i was thinking off:

  - Ask your friends what they like on you and what they think you are doing good.

  - Find person that cares about you and that will listen to your complains and your troubles with judging you or gives you critics

  - Ask for hug.

  - Person that really loves you, ask her/him to tell you that.

If you still have something not clear, or you need someone to help you, or you want to talk with someone about your problems without criticism and judging, or just a small chat... Don't hesitate to message me on Message.Me.Here.For.Free@gmail.com or Leave comment on the blog.
And please if you like to help me spread the word, share this blog with your friends so they can get helped too... Everyone deserves to avoid being manipulated, dominated, and have a strong will and confidence. Help them too, share the word ! :)
Thank you for reading and Good Luck in getting everything you want with your strong self confidence! Believe in yourself... Because i DO ! :)

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